Just A Dream
by xJanzx
Summary: This is one parter which is set pretty much straight after Danielle's death, however I wrote it a little while before it was actually aired on EE - so obviously some parts aren't true to the show


**Just A Dream**

Ronnie sat on the cold, hard earth; her legs crumpled beneath her. She stared at the freshly dug earth, her eyes searing through the soil; seeing something nobody else could. A chilly wind wrapped her in it's cold embrace, causing her to shiver slightly. But she didn't get up. She couldn't.

Jack watched as Ronnie sat there, his heart breaking into tiny little pieces, falling from his chest and lying at his feet. He couldn't take his eyes off her. "This isn't fair," he found himself whispering into the night sky, the stars mockingly twinkling back at him. Gingerly, he approached Ronnie; unsure whether his presence would be welcome, pretty much unsure about everything he was about to say and do.

Kneeling down, he sat down beside her, tenderly laying his warm hand across one of hers that lay flat against the green grass. "You're freezing," he whispered, not wanting to interrupt her. She didn't reply and Jack doubted whether she had even heard him.

"Am I?" She finally replied, her voice raspy and low.

Jack just looked at her; her beautiful face masked with the deepest grief. "Yeah." He paused, once again uncertain whether he should continue. "It's been hours, Ron. . . The service ended at three; it's nearly midnight now."

"Is it?" She asked, her voice monotonous, not even registering what her former lover was saying. Her eyes just kept staring at the space in front of her. Just kept staring.

"Ronnie, you need to go home-"

"Please Jack," she begged him, her fingers curling beneath his hand. "Don't make me."

Jack felt as though someone had reached into his chest and ripped his heart from it's confines; he could feel the blood pulsating away, just flowing away and all he could so was stand and watch. There was nothing he could do to stop it, to put it back. And that was exactly what he could only do for Ronnie; just sit back and watch her go through hell.

"Okay," he relented, taking hold of her hand properly, encasing it in his own. He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her stiff body into his warmth. "Okay. I'll be here when you need me."

The two soulmates sat in silence for hours, Jack just holding Ronnie. Anybody looking on at the two lovers would be able to see the despair that shrouded them both. They were both lost souls looking for comfort, for shelter from the storm. But they seemed doomed to forever search for it.

Eventually, she spoke. "Why didn't I know?" She asked, her voice small and soft. She wasn't expecting a reply, just a question she asked herself over and over again, this time she'd just said it out loud.

"Because your dad told you she was. . . " Jack trailed off, looking cautiously at Ronnie.

"Dead," she finished for him. "You can say it – it's true. She's dead." Ronnie felt a mirthless laugh rip from her throat, slashing through her flesh and filling part of the air around them both. "He lied to me – all this time; and she was _here_, my baby girl was here, right in front of me. Did you know – I held her? When she found out she was pregnant, I held her as she cried, told her everything would be okay. And I had no idea. None. She's my baby and I told her to get rid of hers." Ronnie's face crumpled, her emotions finally taking hold of her.

Jack held her tighter, whispering into her hair and rubbing her back. For weeks, he'd watched as she went through the motions, running the club, going home. That's what she did. Just as she had before Danielle had told her the truth. Before the accident. He had tried to get her to talk to him, to open up; to even wind her up so much she would shout and scream at him. But all she would do was paint on a smile and get on with things, trying to fool herself into believing she was okay.

But how can any parent be okay when their child dies?

"Shh," he said, soothingly stroking her hair as he felt her tears create a damp patch on his shirt. "It's going to be okay, it's going to be okay."

"How?" She questioned, her voice muffled by her sobs. Drawing away, she looked him in the eye. "How is it going to be okay? I held her, Jack. I felt her take her last breath, I had her blood all over me, everywhere; there was just so much . . ."

Jack nodded, remembering how he had found them both; Ronnie cradling her lost daughter, begging her to just keep her eyes open.

"Why was she even up there?"

"I don't know Ron, I don't know."

"I saw her fall, Jack. I saw my little girl slip and fall. When he told me . . . his, his _lies_, I said that if my daughter had been with me, she wouldn't have slipped, she wouldn't have died. But she did, didn't she? He was right. He was right. He was right all along. He was right. He was right. He was right." Ronnie's word descended into sobs as she wept with wild abandonment, wanting to rip her heart from her chest just to stop the pain for a moment.

Jack pulled Ronnie towards her, tightening his hold on her, wanting to ease her grief in whatever way he could.

"I want her back. I just want my baby back. I want to hold her and kiss her little face, and tell her that her mummy's here and that I won't let anything hurt her. I promised her I would protect her and now, now she's dead!" Ronnie's guilt crashed down on her like a tidal wave, coursing through her every vein like an IV of ice water. How could this be happening? Her daughter had been returned to her, just to be taken away again? How could that happen? Was it some sick, cruel joke? Was she being punished? Is that what it was – a punishment? Or just a nightmare that she couldn't wake up from?

Ronnie's body jolted in Jack's arms. "Slap me," she told him, her face stoic and void of emotion.

"What?" Jack exclaimed, completely taken back by her statement.

"Slap me!" She demanded.

"No! Ronnie, what're you-"

"This is a dream and I can't wake myself up. I need you to hurt me, so I can wake up. And when I do, Danielle will be fine, she'll be out on the stall with Stacey and I'll go up to her and tell her I know who she is. I'll tell her how much I love her and how much I've always wanted her. And then I can finally hold my baby girl in my arms. And then we'll leave, we'll go away and not look back. I'll take her away from Walford and we'll go to Ibiza, Paris, anywhere; it doesn't matter. But she won't be upset and she wouldn't go up on that bridge and she wouldn't trip up over the laces of those _stupid_ pair of converses. And she wouldn't fall. She wouldn't fall. She wouldn't fall, Jack because we wouldn't be here. So please, just wake me up. Please Jack, I'll never ask for anything from you again; just wake me up." Ronnie's chest heaved from the force of her grief, her breaths coming in gasps as she tried to suck in much needed air into her lungs.

Jack looked at her sadly, his own eyes glistening with the same crystal droplets. How could the world be so cruel to her? "I'm sorry, Ron," he whispered.

Ronnie shook her head. "No, no, no. It's just a dream. It's just a dream. It's just a dream. No. No. She's not, she can't be. Not my Danielle. Not my little girl." The anguish swept through her, winding her until she was left gasping for breath. "No. No. NO!" Ronnie screamed, her throat raw from the ferocity of her shrieks. "She's not gone, she's not. She's not! SHE'S NOT DEAD!"

And all he could do was hold her, rock her until eventually the force of her torment exhausted her soul. Jack kept hold of her, even as her screams subsided. And in that moment he vowed never to let her go again, no matter what was said or done between them; he would never relinquish the part of his heart that she owned. He would be there through it all. Because he loved her.

**THE END**


End file.
